To the Mormon wife whose husband is 'addicted to porn:' 12 *real* steps that will help!

To the Mormon wife whose husband is "addicted to porn:" 12 *real* steps that will help!

In response to: "Doug Robinson: One woman's crusade against the evils of porn" in the Deseret News. http://goo.gl/e0m9SL

The Mormon position on porn is basically this: Let us fit porn and human sexuality into our addiction paradigm so that we can exercise control over you.

The LDS 12 step program:
http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/bc/content/arp/content/manuals/ARPGuide_English_36764.pdf

Bullshit.

Here's 12 steps for you, if your husband is viewing too much porn in your view:

Step 1: Stop assuming that the act of viewing human sexuality online is, in an of itself, something bad.

Step 2: Stop threatening your man with divorce over the issue.

Step 3: Stop wearing your Mormon underwear at night, and especially during sex. Go nude, 100% nude, at night, in bed, with your man, and during sex. Period.

Step 4: Engage in oral sex, and encourage your man to do the same.

Step 5: Don't be afraid to touch your man's genitals at night in bed.

Step 6: Be sexual with your man, all the time. Give him cues during the day, and be affectionate at night.

Step 7: Find types of porn which are more a.) educational, b.) produced by amateurs, and c.) does not require payment, and d.) may be produced by regular people as opposed to "porn stars." Watch these videos with your husband, and see if what you're seeing can give you some ideas of fun things to try.

Step 8: Stop asking that your children confess to some Mormon bishop regarding masturbation.

Step 9: Set boundaries for leaders in your religion. Do not let them pry into your private life, and especially not into your sexual life or the sexual lives of your children who're coming of age.

Step 10: Stop teaching your children, your husband, and yourself to be afraid of sexual thoughts & feelings - of *lust* - of being *an animal*. We ARE animals. Get used to it. Live with it. Learn to love it.

Step 11: If your man is engaging in video sex chats with other women online, ask him to stop. Tell him you love him and want him to be happy. Tell him that you're ok with watching some types of porn online, but that video sex chats with other women go too far.

Step 12: Reject 12 step programs which assume you can "give something away" to some fanciful god. You're it baby. You're god. I'm god. He's god. She's god. Sex is god. Love is god. And the only immortality you will ever experience is through having children via sex. So, sex is good, and it's there for very good reason. It's there to be enjoyed, for good reason. The Internet has brought new opportunities and new challenges to what it means and is to be human. We all agree that we need to keep away from the thieves while embracing the good. The same goes with porn online. Get an ad blocker plugin for your web browser. Block your kids viewing as you feel appropriate. But, realize also that some value can be had from exposure to more full details about human sexuality, with less shame, fear, ultimatums, and threats. Move forward in love.

July 31, 2013