Showing posts with label cathedral. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cathedral. Show all posts

Friday, May 16, 2014

Bathroom dreams in Mormon temples | Not everyone in Utah is Mormon

Last night I had a bathroom dream about a Mormon Temple. The temple I dreamt of had a special Anglican cathedral looking wing, where a bookstore was & where anyone could visit. In the basement where the ceremonies happen the staff let me use the restroom.

I remember as a little chumplet 12 year old dreaming of going to the temple so that I could do baptisms for the dead. Then when I was 21 at Ricks College I was a temple worker at the Idaho Falls Temple, and then later while back in Salt Lake at the Jordan River temple. So temples do creep into my dreams sometimes. But often my dreams will make some modifications. Bigger, or with a gothic wing added. Hmmm.

[Above photo from a Jerry's sandwich shop near the D.C. Temple.
Notice the Wizard of Oz theme appropriately and aptly added.
Click on the photo to see a larger version.]

Why do Mormons build temples so close to freeways? The D.C. & Portland temples are right there next to the freeways. Huge buildings with bright lights - easily causing traffic accidents. And yet they won't let you go inside.

To go inside you must agree to:

1. Have no coffee.
2. Have no black tea.
3. Support & sustain past & present leaders, including Joseph Smith, Spencer Kimball, and Thomas Monson.
4. Not engage in oral sex.
5. Not engage in pre-marital sex.
6. Not engage in masturbation.

What an abusive requirements list. No wonder the people who do go inside are often so very anally-retentive.

Pay Lae Ell can go to hell. That's what I decided.

Hey, I remember as a kid in Mormon Sunday School learning John Birch Society conspiratorial stuff, such as:

A. Some day the U.S. Constitution will be hanging by a thread.
B. The Elders of Israel (ie: Mormons) will come to save it.
C. Some day we'll all have to move back to Missouri.
D. When that happens non-Mormons will be able to enter the Salt Lake Temple.

Glenn Beck has stupidly bought into a lot of this conspiratorial shit.

But in any case: Would that be so bad to letting people who aren't anally retentive bass ackward Mormons into the temples?

Hey, oral sex, masturbation, coffee, and cabernet sauvignon wine loving atheist exmormons do get to walk around the Salt Lake Temple, and check out the pretty little door knobs:


Brigham Young came up with the beehive symbol supposedly, the symbol for Utah.

It takes a big beehive to house all the wives of Brigham Young. He had to have TWO houses to house all his wives, the Lion & Beehive house. Hmmm. Plus some of his wives were still married to other men.

Anyway, not everyone who lives in Utah is a fucking Mormon. Attention, this is true!

Yes, some people in Utah like wine, coffee, tea, masturbation, and oral sex! It's true my friend...