Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Jesus wants me for an asshole: the song of LDS missionaries, bishops, and prophets


Parody of the song: Jesus wants me for a sunbeam
reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ll_Be_a_Sunbeam

New version: Jesus wants me for an asshole.

A special version of the song which more accurately describes life in the Mormon Church, and especially regarding the leaders of Mormonism past & present. Mention is also made of Mormon leaders Spencer Kimball, Boyd Packer, and others. Plus also of my special time spent in Alaska on a Mormon mission.

And also commentary about Ukraine.

More info:

On past Mormon prophet Spencer Kimball and current Mormon apostle Boyd Packer:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2013/02/ldsorg-discover-perversity-or-mormonism.html

Ron Pugmire, the first Mormon Bishop who introduced me both to masturbation interrogation interviews, and to Spencer Kimball's evil book Miracle of Forgiveness.
http://www.icse.utah.edu/person72

I remember asking Ron if women ever masturbate, as a naive ~12 year old. I think he said they did, but less than men. Sex education, straight from the Mormon Church. Thanks Joseph Smith!

People accurately describing the evil of Spencer Kimball's book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Miracle-Forgiveness-Spencer-Kimball/product-reviews/0884944441/ref=cm_cr_pr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

Wives of Joseph Smith. One 14 year old, plus women still legally married to other men:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives

Wives of Brigham Young. One 15 year old, plus women still legally married to other men:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Brigham_Young%27s_wives

Related song about the homeworld of the Mormon God, where there's no oral sex, masturbation, nor anyone named Rex or Nate.
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/launch-mission-to-kolob-and-blow-place.html

Related song about how we were all just sperm in God's balls:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/we-were-all-just-sperm-in-gods-balls.html

Ukraine couple moving from Crimea to Kiev:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gpbv8G9jtI

IMG 7982 - 3-11-2014 8:35am

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