Questions for Mormon Missionaries - God, Sex, and honesty | 16 questions for Mormon Missionaries

Video link: http://youtu.be/Tly3T_dc1Vk

Questions for Mormon Missionaries - God, Sex, and honesty | 16 questions for Mormon Missionaries

The Mormon missionaries are knocking at your door.

Be nice to them. Two years of strict abstinence from dating & masturbation. Have pity on these poor naive fools / chumps. I was one, and so I can speak from first hand experience.

Bring them in. Give them some milk and cookies. And then, kindly present to them the following very poignant questions, in all seriousness, and humility, and before the Mormon God & his holy representatives, we ask:

1. Did Joseph Smith enjoy having sex with a 14 year old and with the wives of other men?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Mar_Kimball

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,464173,00.html
"...EW What do you think the reaction will be from the Mormon Church?
JK They've already basically let it be known that good Mormons should not read this book. And I think they will be very uncomfortable with the history; they will not like the fact that I point out that Joseph Smith told 14-year-old girls ''God says you should marry me, if you don't...'' His way of getting laid doesn't reflect well on him..."

"...I am especially disappointed that they feel such an urgent need to attack writers, like me, who present balanced, carefully researched accounts of Mormon history that happen to diverge from the official, highly expurgated church version..."

http://www.randomhouse.com/features/krakauer/response.html

Horn Dog Joseph's direct activities to seduce young girls:
http://books.google.com/books?id=0DQaTU7Opq0C&printsec=frontcover&dq=under+the+banner+of+heaven&hl=en&sa=X&ei=eBUiU9X_CcnnkAeRpoFA&ved=0CDcQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=helen%20kimball&f=false
...check out page 122

2. How was the sex between the Mormon God & Mary the Mother of Jesus? When the Mormon God had sex with Mary the Mother of Jesus, did he go down on her? Did he give her head? Did the Mormon God have an orgasm, and did he help Mary have one too? Did they leave their clothes on?

References:
What was it like, when God had sex with Mary?
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/what-was-it-like-when-god-had-sex-with.html

and "... Jesus Christ is the Son of Elohim both as spiritual and bodily offspring; that is to say, Elohim is literally the Father of the spirit of Jesus Christ and also the body in which Jesus Christ performed His mission in the flesh, and which body died on the cross and was afterward taken up by the process of resurrection, and is now the immortalized tabernacle of the eternal spirit of our Lord and Savior. No extended explanation of the title “Son of God” as applied to Jesus Christ appears necessary..." from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/04/the-father-and-the-son?lang=eng

Mormonism and oral sex:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2013/02/ldsorg-discover-perversity-or-mormonism.html

In 1982, the Mormon God speaks about oral sex through his prophets, seers, and revelators:
Page 1: http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter.shtml
page 2: http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter1.shtml

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophet,_seer,_and_revelator

A relevant parody of the situation: http://stakepresident.blogspot.com/2011/05/oral-abstinence-key-to-happy-fulfilling.html

3. Was it moral for the Mormon God to have sex with the wife of another man (eg: with Mary)?

4. Was it moral for Brigham Young to have sex with a 15 year old and with the wives of other men?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Brigham_Young%27s_wives

5. How come the more religious a person is the more of an asshole they tend to be?

6. Are intrusive interviews regarding masturbation of 12 year old children conducted by strange men AKA Mormon Bishops a good thing, or a bad & abusive thing?

http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_markepeterson.html

And more on masturbation (question 6 & 8 related):

I remember receiving "A Guide to Self-Control" while on my Mormon mission in Alaska.

"...When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind..." Yes, I tried that. Didn't work though. And this is of course an abusive request to make of anyone, especially an 11-21 year old.

Boyd Packer's related evil pamphlet given to Mormon children:
To Young Men Only (PDF)
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0ZmSLnUooZubEhUOF9OQkdKUk0/view?usp=sharing

7. Where is the Lamaite DNA? Why didn't Joseph Smith know about DNA? Wasn't he supposed to be hooked into the mind of the Mormon God? What about the basic denial of science in the totality of Mormon scripture?

http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2013/09/hey-mormon-missionaries-where-is.html

http://nowscape.com/mormon/abraham/abraham.htm

8. When you're in the Mormon Church and you have sex with your wife, are you supposed to leave your garments on or have them off?

Relevant discussion:

http://www.exmormonforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=2266

http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_markepeterson.html#pub_-1343670037

9. How is a woman in Mormonism supposed to have an orgasm without oral sex? See references under question 2.

10. What is the "new name" you received in the Mormon Temple?

http://www.fullerconsideration.com/templenameoracle.php

11. If we say "Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and sinews. Power in the Priesthood be upon me, and upon my posterity through all generations of time, and throughout all eternity," will we really get into the Mormon Heaven? And do we really want to go there? No oral sex? NO masturbation? A bunch of anally retentive assholes around. And we have to kiss the rear and of a hostile alien god just to get there? Doesn't sound like fun to me - going to the Mormon Heaven? What do you think?

related links:
http://corvus.freeshell.org/psittacus/three/tract/kolob_tract.htm
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/launch-mission-to-kolob-and-blow-place.html

S.L. Temple "live" version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8sbYtFOnxk

Temple film shown in other Mormon temples: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19cHztniXRE

The campy stilted saccharin Mormon view of heaven - in "Man's Search for Happiness:"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5oS2pZlvgI

12. You're so eager. But young people can also be nieve. Young and dumb. Don't you think you're believe deceived by old fucking farts, like Spencer Kimball, Boyd Packer, and by long dead cult founders like Joseph Smith & Brigham Young.

13. Show the missionaries the film "Jesus Camp" and get their response.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Camp

14. When you get finished on your mission do you plan to attend BYU Idaho, and while there do you plan to complain about your roommates if they happen to have women staying over at night? If the answer is yes, then that means you're still an asshole. Free yourself, young, dumb, naive, Mormon missionary. Don't be a chump or a tool of old farts who just want 10% of your gross income.

15. What about the links between Mormonism and Masonry?

Why are the following photo collections related?
Salt Lake masonic temple images: http://goo.gl/hgIbF5

Mormon Salt Lake temple images: http://goo.gl/lOki78

And an additional question not mentioned in my view:

16. Watch the film "Plan 10 From Outer Space" with the missionaries and get their response.
http://www.echocave.net/plan_10_from_outer_space.html

IMG 8035 - 3-13-2014 7:42am

Review of the film Orgazmo, the Mormon temple film, and candiates for other films to show inside of Mormon temples

My review of the film Orgazmo, on January 2nd, 2013

Orgazmo is a particularly important film, especially in Utah. In my view they should replace the Mormon temple film, with the above film.

The above is the movie version of the Mormon temple endowment ceremony. The live version can be found by clicking here - as performed in the Salt Lake Temple.

Other good candidates for Mormon temple movie replacements:

Caligula

Intimacy

Destricted - played at Sundance in Salt Lake in 2006

When the God had sex with Mary, according to Family Guy:

An even more accurate video, showing Mormon space & Jesus theology, and how the Mormon God  had sex with Mary:

We were all just sperm in god's balls - a 12-22-2012 reprise of a song I composed some time ago - also good for viewing inside of Mormon temples:

Related review post from January 2nd, 2013:

http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2013/01/orgazmo-film-mormonism-and-sex.html

What was it like, when God had sex with Mary?

Today I found a Family Guy clip about the conception of Jesus, and that reminded of the following question:

What was it like, when God had sex with Mary?

Even in Catholicism, how did the Holy Ghost overshadow Mary's vajayjay?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vajayjay

Here's Mormon references for your spiritual and humor-bone edification:
http://www.mormonwiki.org/Conception_of_Jesus
http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon385.htm

Here's the relevant Family Guy clip:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2fhb16QP-dA

And my own video commentary is attached below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OymNAUmVUBY

Relevant clip from an older film, showing Elohim knocking on the door of Mary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgBNVcY6ro8&t=2m58s

Also, whodathunkit, Joseph Smith thought Jesus was married also?

The whole video is interesting and is mostly accurate.

Here's more on the Catholic version, where a guy in a sheet gets to have sex with her...
http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_life_of_jesus/jesus_is_born_02/lk01_35.html

The Mormon oral sex letter stating it's bad:
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter.shtml
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter1.shtml

And yet, Joseph & Brigham had 14 & 15 year old wives & also wives who were still married to other men:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Brigham_Young%27s_wives

---

Additional thoughts, regarding the issue of marrying young & whether people in the past married at 14 or 15:

In this case I would have a slightly easier time sympathizing with 17 or 16. There are some older looking 14 year olds. Both Joseph & Brigham took other men's wives as brides. Also consider Aisha:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aisha
and the lego version of Moohamed's meeting with her at age nine:
http://mattseanbachman.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/mohammed-lego.png

Relevant quote: "...According to traditional sources, Aisha was six or seven years old when she was betrothed to Muhammad and nine when the marriage was consummated..."

Maybe on a Fiddler on the Roof type of scenario 14 is ok, if one or the other are 14 or 15 are they are in love. But some older cult leader took taking a 14 year old to wife, that's when the icky poo factor comes in more. Also Moohamed having a 9 year old one was not so good.

Moohamed was a great man though, nine year old fully consummated bride and all, according to the national Unitarian organization:

http://www.isna.net/uploads/1/5/7/4/15744382/uu_muslim_interfaith_guide.pdf
[previously at: http://www.uusc.org/files/BBToolkit_uu_muslim_interfaith_guide.pdf ]

But Islam is about social justice, right? According to muff brained Unitarians, Amy Goodman, and Reza Aslan. Sometimes we go to Unitarian meetings, but we don't go to the congregation where they said Mohamed was a "great man who cared about women & treated them well," and for the one we do sometimes go to we'll be monitoring any religious education curricula to ensure it's not whitewashing dogma. Liberals can have dishonest religion too...

Related blog post:
Unitarian Universalist fawning appreciation of Mohammad and Islam:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2010/12/unitarian-universalist-fawning.html

I'm personally all for "marrying young" and evening having babies young if a couple feels so inclined, but when when at least one of the parties is under say 18 or 21, then the age difference should be less than can be common for people over 18 or 21. And the whole cult or warlord leader taking yougin' to wife is a different scenario from similarly aged youngsters hooking up.