Jesus wants me for an asshole: the song of LDS missionaries, bishops, and prophets

Parody of the song: Jesus wants me for a sunbeam
reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ll_Be_a_Sunbeam

New version: Jesus wants me for an asshole.

A special version of the song which more accurately describes life in the Mormon Church, and especially regarding the leaders of Mormonism past & present. Mention is also made of Mormon leaders Spencer Kimball, Boyd Packer, and others. Plus also of my special time spent in Alaska on a Mormon mission.

And also commentary about Ukraine.

More info:

On past Mormon prophet Spencer Kimball and current Mormon apostle Boyd Packer:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2013/02/ldsorg-discover-perversity-or-mormonism.html

Ron Pugmire, the first Mormon Bishop who introduced me both to masturbation interrogation interviews, and to Spencer Kimball's evil book Miracle of Forgiveness.
http://www.icse.utah.edu/person72

I remember asking Ron if women ever masturbate, as a naive ~12 year old. I think he said they did, but less than men. Sex education, straight from the Mormon Church. Thanks Joseph Smith!

People accurately describing the evil of Spencer Kimball's book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Miracle-Forgiveness-Spencer-Kimball/product-reviews/0884944441/ref=cm_cr_pr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

Wives of Joseph Smith. One 14 year old, plus women still legally married to other men:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives

Wives of Brigham Young. One 15 year old, plus women still legally married to other men:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Brigham_Young%27s_wives

Related song about the homeworld of the Mormon God, where there's no oral sex, masturbation, nor anyone named Rex or Nate.
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/launch-mission-to-kolob-and-blow-place.html

Related song about how we were all just sperm in God's balls:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/we-were-all-just-sperm-in-gods-balls.html

Ukraine couple moving from Crimea to Kiev:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gpbv8G9jtI

IMG 7982 - 3-11-2014 8:35am

Listening to the NARTH guys - issues more complex than either side says

The NARTH guys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb_mks65Gwg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKxYBch2LVM

Listening I am reminded of:

1. My gay uncle who died of aids leaving his straight family with no kids.
2. My gay nephew who leads a petty, shallow, dead-end type of life.
3. However and also: gay people I know who spend their lives helping others, in service oriented lives.
4. Gay people like Stephen Fry, who I largely admire.
5. The crappy crazy warped & perverse sexual morality in Mormonism & Catholicism.

Religion is a natural phenomenon, and so, like it or not natural human morality can be rooted in religion, even if religions also have built-in lies that their members are forbidden to speak against. And religions can go overboard, such as via equating masturbation with being gay.

Back in my fat bastard days I held up the book Biological Exuberance by Bruce Bagemihl.

But politically correct liberals engage in the naturalistic fallacy when they state that homosexuality is "ok" because it's natural. So what.

Related blog post:

Homosexuality occurs in nature? So what. Can I be a "black atheist" too? 

It's very true that Spencer Kimball and Boyd Packer were/are fucking perverts, as is the Pope. But, on the other hand so is my nutty gay nephew who constantly presents himself online in is underwear, and who has as a friend a convicted child abuser.

So, things ain't quite so easy to sort out as either side would have you believe.

Seeing first hand how things work can change your views. Yes it's quite true that the Mormon Church abuses children via their sexual masturbation interrogation interviews. But, there's also child abuse that happens at Stonewall centers too. Both sides are too extreme, too exclusive, too rigid, too dogmatic.

No I'm not gay. But I've been to enough gay parties & bars, and around the petty shallow stunted narcissistic friends of my nutty gay nephew to state that the "gay lifestyle" ain't all it's cracked up to be. But, don't change back to a fucking Mormon or Bible Beating Christian either - if you feel inclined to change.

And if you live a largely-abuse-free service oriented largely happy life as a gay man, that's ok too I suppose. Just don't cheat on your straight wife, get AIDS, die, and leave your family with no father. That's my advise to you.

lds.org : discover the perversity or Mormonism

lds.org : discover the perversity or Mormonism

Go to lds.org. Search for the following terms:

masturbation
necking
"petting"
fornication
atheist
atheism

Find out what these people actually think about the human condition.

Also, read the horrible book viewable at
http://web.archive.org/web/20100712035957/http://www.lds.org/braille/The%20Miracle%20of%20Forgiveness.txt
...by past Mormon prophet Spencer Kimball. While in that document do text searches for the same words.

Then in response, read the following reviews of this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Miracle-Forgiveness-Spencer-Kimball/product-reviews/0884944441/ref=cm_cr_pr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

More info:

My own pages:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com
http://corvus.freeshell.org/corvus_corax/two/life_path/life_path.htm

Audio from past exmormon conferences:
http://www.exmormonfoundation.org/conference-archive.html

Also current Mormon apostle believes that atheists are all moral relativists. What a bunch of bulls#|t. Atheists are humans too.

For example check out:
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/02/balancing-truth-and-tolerance
where Dallin Oaks says:

"...For example, an atheist has no need to decide what kinds and occasions of profanity or blasphemy can be tolerated and what kinds should be confronted. Persons who don’t believe in God or in absolute truth in moral matters can see themselves as the most tolerant of persons. For them, almost anything goes. This belief system can tolerate almost any behavior and almost any person. Unfortunately, some who believe in moral relativism seem to have difficulty tolerating those who insist that there is a God who should be respected and that there are certain moral absolutes that should be observed..."

My response: What a shallow, obtuse, non-sequitur, and just plain wrong evaluation of what & who atheists are. We fight against abusive religions like yours because there's good reason to do so. And no, being an atheist does not automatically make one a moral relativist. I am not one, Mr. Oaks.

Sam Harris, on science helping to determine that is moral (videos found):
https://www.youtube.com/results?q=moral+landscape

Myths about atheists - Mormon & other religious leaders are especially interested in putting out lies about atheists:
http://www.samharris.org/site/full_text/10-myths-and-10-truths-about-atheism1

Dawkins on atheist morality:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aCRHjH6d4Q

Also check out the morality in the Bible, Quran, and Book of Mormon:
http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/
http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/index.htm
http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/BOM/index.htm

For each scriptural text you can find good sections about the complete lack of morality via clicking on the following terms:

Injustice

Cruelty and Violence

Intolerance

Contradictions

Science and History

Family Values

Interpretation

Misogyny

Sex

And what of the morality of Mormon leaders?

On oral sex, past Mormon prophet Spencer wants to get into your bedroom:
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter.shtml
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter1.shtml

On masturbation, past Mormon prophet Spencer Kimball & Mormon apostle Boyd Packer both want to have a look:
http://www.zionsbest.com/only.html
http://mormonthink.com/QUOTES/masturbation.htm

Subverting normal human sexuality: Mormon Church's principal crime
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/subverting-normal-human-sexuality.html

Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, gets to have a 14 year old wife & wives who are still married to other men.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith's_wives

Brigham Young, the second Mormon prophet, gets a 15 year old & wives still married to other men.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Brigham_Young's_wives

Sin and Death in Mormon Country - about the costs of shaming children about masturbation:
http://web.archive.org/web/20080620075156/http://www.affirmation.org/suicide_info/sin_and_death_in_mormon_country.shtml

Why are exmormons and atheists so angry? Because they have damn good reasons to be.

Apparently some people really do wonder:

Why are ex-mormons & atheists so angry?

Examples regarding those who leave Mormonism, which some may highlight:

My own pages:
http://corvus.freeshell.org/corvus_corax/two/life_path/life_path.htm#history

A video about launching a mission to the Mormon god's homeworld:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12puVX3vtrY

A support group which has annual conferences in Salt Lake:
http://www.exmormonfoundation.org/

One of the forums where exmormons hang out:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/list.php?2
an additional forum: http://www.postmormon.org/

Additional good sites - about the kooky crazy nature of Mormonism. Can you detect some anger? Yes. It's refreshing & helpful...
http://www.salamandersociety.com/
http://nowscape.com/mormon/

Even some some atheists wonder about the anger of exmormons & fellow atheists.

Why? Why? Why are we so angry?

Because we have damn good reasons to be. Check out the links above. Read what people actually say.

All that baggage. Why don't we just "get over it?" We do live our lives and we move forward. But we never completely "move on." Why? Because the petrified penis of Mormonism still stands tall over Salt Lake. Because the "Miracle of Forgiveness" is still sold in the Mormon Church distribution centers. Because asshole Boyd Packer is still spewing human spirit destroying filth. Because the Mormon Church continues to oppress people. Because we're upset at being lied to. Because some of our families disowned us. Because some of our fellows committed suicide because of the pain.

Some people who had a fluffy exit from Mormonism, or who were only ever liberal religionists or who have always been non-religious, these people often have no idea what life was like in Mormonism or other conservative cults.

Why don't we just "get over it?" Ask us in a more respectful tone & maybe we'll tell you.

I will not disparage people for seeking social support after they leave a cult. You shouldn't either.
 
Why is it such a mystery to some why these people have "so much religious baggage?" Because they do. And maybe they need some help learning how to be more free from the cult they spent many years inside.

Atheist groups serve as a social support for people who leave various religions. People with a "lot of religious baggage" may well show up to such meetings, and if that offends you, too bad. It's par for the course at such meetings. Maybe those people need your help.

Related video commentary added January 19, 2013:

Related book:
Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007MCMKV6

Related site & a good quote:
http://new.exchristian.net/2011/02/why-are-atheists-so-angry.html
"...Atheists are fully justified in their anger, and that anger may be the last, best hope for our species surviving our own ignorance and gullibility. If religious forces ever manage to quell our anger, then they will have won the battle . . . and lost the world..."

even the Romans did it...

even Romans did it...

as from a fresco in the public baths at Pompeii
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_art_in_Pompeii_and_Herculaneum

Compare & contrast with what you may have been told.
https://web.archive.org/web/20170415164512/http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter1.shtml

...The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice.  If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it...

Related blog, which is apparently a parody:
https://stakepresident.blogspot.com/2011/05/oral-abstinence-key-to-happy-fulfilling.html

And a relevant quote from the comments section of linked to blog:

President, I have a very embarrassing yet pertinent question I feel I must raise. As a daughter of Zion, I have always kept myself pure unto the Lord, which has led to some difficulties in the marital bed. My dear husband has discovered the key to unlocking my glorious God-given pleasure center is through his own oral skills. In fact, I cannot achieve a certain high point without such activity. If we follow our Lord's annointed's advice, I fear I shall never achieve sexual satisfaction again. What is more important do you think? Perhaps continue this practice and then repent once we are old and don't care about sex any more? Oh help me President, I am so torn!! 

As for the Pompeii bath house art shown above, I've found that there's apparently other humans with similarly healthy exuberance also.

Fertility festivals found:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kanamara_Matsuri

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C5%8Dnen_Matsuri

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCIjjvl1JQE


Additional:
https://www.google.com/search?q=fertility+festivals&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&biw=1280&bih=839

And on my own older website:
http://corvus.freeshell.org/corvus_corax/two/art.htm#Pompeii

Orgazmo film, Mormonism, and Sex

We watched Orgazmo during the past few days & enjoyed it very much.

Here's the film on youtube:

and more info about the film:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgazmo

Trey Parker has apparently had a fascination with Mormon culture, although as an outsider he doesn't quite understand everything. For example his portrayal of a Mormon family in the South Park episode All About Mormons he portrays a Mormon family as being more happy than other families, and that a kid in that family didn't really care about the wacky stuff in this religion. But his portrayal of what life is really like in Mormon families is not quite accurate. There's also a lot of pain, stress, and guilt. Also in Utah there's a great deal of anti-depressant use. Here's the video of the episode:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s07e12-all-about-mormons
and more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Mormons

When I first saw Orgazmo several years ago I knew the best thing that could happen would be for all Mormons, especially all old the fart Mormon leaders, to immediately receive the influence of the following device, an orgazmorator.

When they're up there in General Conference giving stuffy nosed I-am-so-important-when-I-speak-in-a-low-voice pompous pious speeches, the best thing that could ever happen would be for such a device to be activated, so that they & all the crowd assembled would be similarly affected.

Related info:
http://www.salamandersociety.com/media/movies/ryans/
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,23229

When Spencer Kimball hyperventilated and dreamed of necking, petting, heavy petting, masturbation, and oral sex, all while he wrote the following documents, I'm sure he would have benefited from such a device.
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter.shtml
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter1.shtml - make special note of this page
http://www.lds.org/braille/The%20Miracle%20of%20Forgiveness.txt

Related video:

Mormonism & oral sex - Hi, I'm a Mormon, or I was one for 26 years.

 
Related posts from last year:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012_12_01_archive.html

---

Video review added on January 4, 2013:

Review of the film Orgazmo, the Mormon temple film, and candiates for other films to show inside of Mormon temples

http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2013/01/review-of-film-orgazmo-mormon-temple.html

responses to continued mobot (Mormon) fear of sex

Recently I discovered that Miracle of Forgiveness is available at the mobot distribution centers, in several different languages. In each language section they have the BOM, maybe a bible, but always this POS book.
http://www.lds.org/braille/The%20Miracle%20of%20Forgiveness.txt

Very appropriate responses to this book can be found in the form of one star reviews at Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Miracle-of-Forgiveness-ebook/product-reviews/B002JQK1VG/ref=cm_cr_pr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

Since the Mormon Church apparently considers this book to still be highly relevant, then every despicable thing Spencer Kimball & Boyd Packer have done relative to negative portrayals of human sexuality to the youth & adults in the church is relevant also.

On oral sex, Spencer wants to get into your bedroom:
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter.shtml
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter1.shtml

On masturbation, Spencer & Boyd both want to have a look:
http://www.zionsbest.com/only.html
http://mormonthink.com/QUOTES/masturbation.htm

Also Spencer really is concerned about "petting" and "heavy petting." Oh my, that f-ing old fart must really have been hyperventilating when he wrote his Miracle of Forgiveness book. Necking. Petting. Heavy Petting. Tell us more Spencer, about all the things you dream about at night but also hate yourself for thinking of.

But people say he was such a nice man. My father has said this, as did my mother who worked as a nurse in the COB. But the guy was really not so nice after all, after you read all hateful the trash he put out.

Here's a related blog post:
Subverting normal human sexuality: Mormon Church's principal crime
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/subverting-normal-human-sexuality.html

Anyway, with my new wife seeing the pretty white shirts and the pretty buildings, and with my more recent research into the issue of Kimball's trash book being widely promoted in different languages by the mobot church, I decided to put on youtube a reprise of a song I created some time ago:

We were all just sperm in god's balls, a parody of the song Seeds:
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/we-were-all-just-sperm-in-gods-balls.html

And, with Joseph Smith's nutty view of heaven in the form of Kolob, and "Kobol" entering the common consciousness in the form of the much less campy newer Battlestar Galatica version, the following newer song came out of a recent morning shower singing session:

Launch a Mission to Kolob...
http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/2012/12/launch-mission-to-kolob-and-blow-place.html

Joseph gets to have a 14 year old wife & wives who are still married to other men.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith's_wives

Brigham gets a 15 year old & wives still married to other men.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Brigham_Young's_wives

But, Spencer & Boyd really were/are obsessed with that you and your children are up to at home, at night, in the privacy of your bedrooms. What's up with that? And since Spencer's piece of trash book is *very* relevant for the Mormon Church, as per their having it readily available in many different languages at their distribution centers, (and reportedly since it's required reading for new missionaries) it's clear that they are still very interested in transmitting this human spirit destroying set of memes onto everyone they can.

What is up with the Mormon Church & sex? Their horn dog founder created a religion whose god, apparently, has to have an orgasm every 4.6 minutes to create 107 billion people in one million years.

107 billion people may have lived on Earth so far:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2097038/Are-really-people-alive-today-lived-Earth.html
...and that number doesn't account for "worlds without end."

Perhaps the Mormon God is rather like a giant space termite:
http://www.termite.com/images/queenking.jpg
...that would be more fitting.

Is your god an alien?
http://corvus.freeshell.org/psittacus/three/tract/kolob_tract.htm

...and yet, now they want to very much control even the mere thought of sex in their members. Why? Because once a person actually allows themselves to be open to the possibility of sex being fun, normal, natural, empowering, and liberating, they can more easily find they have no use for the Mormon God or for the supposedly good feelings you get during Mormon Church meetings or from reading the lies of Joseph in the form of the Mormon scriptures.

The Mormon Church tries to hijack people's basic emotions, and to subvert & control & misinterpret them for their own nefarious ends. Some other religions do this also.

In any case I get much better feelings of validation from the love of my wife & new son than I ever got in mostly boring Mormon Church meetings, and from the occasional good feelings they claimed "proved" their church was correct. There's a price to be paid for pretty white shirts and pretty buildings.

If feelings can be used as a form of validation, then that means the much better feelings I've had since leaving indicates that their lies were incorrect.

Jonathan

Current blog: http://jonathanshome.blogspot.com/
Legacy website: http://corvus.freeshell.org/psittacus/one/jonathan.html
Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/chinadreams888

Crazed old fart virgins don't know shit - and keep them away from your children

From the BBC today:

"...Pope Benedict reaffirms the importance of the Christian belief in the virgin birth, that Jesus was not conceived through sexual intercourse but through the Holy Spirit."

Isn't that nice.

Back to the sex is evil gig of a bunch of crazed old farts.

An apt response from Andrew Sullivan:
"...The Catholic church does not condemn a whole class of human beings, regardless of their acts, as deemed inferior by God for all time because of their biological nature, having to wait even in the hereafter behind all other groups to become gods themselves. It condemns non-procreative sex for all, and by that teaching uniquely singles out gays for lives of loneliness, celibacy and repression, while permitting the infertile and the elderly to be full members of the church even as they too have non-procreative sex..."

Also check out:

http://www.theatlantic.com/daily-dish/archive/2010/04/its-celibacy-stupid/188420/
and
http://www.nybooks.com/blogs/nyrblog/2010/apr/01/why-celibacy-should-be-abolished/

Now, then there's the perverse alternative from Mormonism, where we learn that God the Father (Elohim) had sex with Mary the Mother of Jesus.

Didn't they teach you that in Sunday School?
http://www.mormonwiki.org/Conception_of_Jesus

And, once again my friends, Joseph & Brigham, they like'd'em young, and also women who were simultaneously married to other men:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Brigham_Young%27s_wives

But then, later, it's the f-ing old farts again, who screw things up. Spencer Kimball's hate filled book: http://www.amazon.com/review/RTF9W8850RNTE

Boyd KKK fudge Packer comes out with his anti-masturbation little factory pamphlet:
http://www.lds-mormon.com/only.shtml

Spencer Kimball tells Mormons that oral sex is bad:
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter.shtml
http://lds-mormon.com/worthy_letter1.shtml

So, what's the bottom line?

Crazed old fart virgins don't know shit, AND keep them away from your children.

Hypocrisy and a pointed lack of morality with Mormon religious leaders

Fawn Brodie helped unearth info about Smith's horn dog and womanizing ways. http://wivesofjosephsmith.org/

He liked them young and also simultaneously married to other men. His second brain apparently gave him revelations all the time about women his "god" intended him to meet and marry. Brigham Young had a similar proclivity. Here's Mark Twain's comments on Young's wives:
http://www.telelib.com/authors/T/TwainMark/prose/roughingit/roughingit15.html

"...Brigham Young’s harem contains twenty or thirty wives. They said that some of them had grown old and gone out of active service, but were comfortably housed and cared for in the henery..." - from Roughing It chaper XV

Also "...Our stay in Salt Lake City amounted to only two days, and therefore we had no time to make the customary inquisition into the workings of polygamy and get up the usual statistics and deductions preparatory to calling the attention of the nation at large once more to the matter.

I had the will to do it. With the gushing self-sufficiency of youth I was feverish to plunge in headlong and achieve a great reform here—until I saw the Mormon women. Then I was touched. My heart was wiser than my head. It warmed toward these poor, ungainly and pathetically 'homely' creatures, and as I turned to hide the generous moisture in my eyes, I said, 'No—the man that marries one of them has done an act of Christian charity which entitles him to the kindly applause of mankind, not their harsh censure—and the man that marries sixty of them has done a deed of open-handed generosity so sublime that the nations should stand uncovered in his presence and worship in silence.'"

...as from Roughing It chapter XIV
http://www.telelib.com/authors/T/TwainMark/prose/roughingit/roughingit14.html

Maybe Young's wives were homely, although perhaps when they were younger they looked better. But in any case the morality of Smith & Young is a stark contrast to the crazed puritanism of people like Spencer Kimball & Boyd Packer, and Kimball's hate filled book Miracle of Forgiveness - used as a virtual bible for all young Mormons to help them learn to fear normal human sexuality.

Review: http://www.amazon.com/review/RTF9W8850RNTE

"This book is a negativistic, manipulative, hate-filled waste of paper and ink, written by a guy who had no professional training in Religion, Philosophy, Divinity, Psychology or any other field that might qualify him to provide counseling for individuals who are going through some sort of crisis. In short, Mr. Kimball is only capable of repeating lame nineteenth-century folk superstitions as solutions to real problems in life. This man's advice, as codified in this book, has ruined countless peoples' lives - some to the point where they completely lost hope and killed themselves. What kind of counseling is that? If you have a personal moral or spiritual dilemma, go to a trained professional: avoid this garbage and save your sanity and your life."

Damn fucking right.

Related bio on David Koresh:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0466205/bio
"...Koresh got married to a 14 year old girl but decided that he could have a 'harem of many wives' as he wanted..."

Carl Sagan is much more refreshing. Too bad many religions don't let you be intellectually and emotionally honest while simultaneously being a member.